LIFE SHOULD BE HAD UP ON THE TRADES DESCRIPTIONS ACT

I fell in love with a man once because he told me that, when told that they were going to have a fire drill in the playground, he nearly wet himself with excitement to see the great big roaring drill belching flames and fire. He raced outside when the bell went off but then they just hung about in the playground for a bit and then went back inside. He said it was his first lesson in how disappointing life can be.

It was X's first week at school this week, and mightily exciting has she found it. But she's also had her first disappointment: a lady called a lollipop lady who doesn't hand out lollipops at all.