Some good things about being an old mum
1) My mother is bored with aspiring to have perfect grandchildren. Her standards have slipped brilliantly. She doesn’t even expect little ones to remember to put the condiment jars on saucers any more.
2) My father is too old to be bothered to grouch when little one spreads marmalade over the tablecloth.
3) My niece is great for babysitting and loves to take her out because people think that she’s the mum.
4) I’m too old to remember all the things that I hated about my childhood and always intended to rebel against. In fact I don’t even feel deprived any more that I only ever had a homeknitted school jumper.
5) I don’t have to worry about what I’ll do when child leaves the nest. I’ll either be too ga- ga to care or dead.
6) I don’t get jealous because my little one thinks that her friends mums are prettier than me. Too right they are – they’re twenty years younger.
7) I don’t have to worry about how I’ll pay for uni- she can have what’s left of my estate for that and if there isn’t any, well, I won’t be there to worry about it.
8) I don’t set her demanding career goals, in fact –secretly- I’d be delighted if she was an underage mother as I’d get to see a grandchild.
9) I can excuse my middle-aged spread as baby tummy.
10) I think that a trip to Sainsburys, the park or church is as exciting as she does and am only too glad to fall asleep over come dance with me of a Saturday night.
In fact the only bad things affect her not me. But then maybe she’ll also be glad that I’ve left some room for her to live without me breathing down her neck when she’s an adult.