BARBIE GOES GAGA

Taking a rasher out of the Gaga look-book Barbie is going to the social event of the season ( the daughter's half-birthday party) wearing clothes that might, at a stretch, be considered edible.

Rate the look- yummy or crummy? She's modelling the latest in sponge and icing by a designer called Morrisons - six Morrisons sponge cakes and enough icing to induce early onset diabetes, to be precise. It would certainly give Jamie Oliver a heart attack. From the e-numbers in the food colouring to the cream-cheese and butter, gaga may well turn out to be a verb not a name. Do not be fooled by the strawberries and blueberries, they're just there to confuse those parents who are pickily middle-class about food actually having actual nutritional value. The fact they were picked up from the Turkish shop on the High Street means that they're full of petrol fumes not vitamins. I cannot believe I now routinely shop in Morrisons and Iceland, where will this slide into turkey twizzler-dom end? I feel for Barbie. Primark or Top Shop is one thing but Morrisons- something else altogether. I always thought of myself as a Waitrose kind of gal.....

I thought X added a good Gaga touch to the ensemble: if you look closely you'll see Barbie's platform shoes stuck to the dress.

"RAAAAAAAA"

Her manner is aggressive: a little lion going "raaaaaaaa....." in the face of another frightened child in the swimming pool who then cried. This from the child who was too scared to go in the water earlier that day. This from the child who was to shy to talk to the teacher when she arrived at nursery and who now has more attitude than most sixteen year olds. Yet she still cannot even go to the loo on her own in case there is 'a bug' in there. I think she gets the aggression from me. I don't intend to talk to her in a violent way but when the day unravels and I'm tired from the week- maybe I do. I'm so used to dealing with adults maybe I forget to soften up and slow down for her.

CHICKEN PIE

It looks totally underwhelming, I know, but I'm quite proud that we had a proper lunch made from leftovers from yesterday almost as if I'm a proper stay at home mummy. I hardly got cross at all about the mess on the kitchen floor. She had the idea of putting cheese in the pastry which, given I doubt she's ever heard of it before, was rather a good idea I thought. Of course she didn't eat any of it. She never eats we make a big effort cooking.

Painting the table pink was another of her ideas - possibly not quite as good as the cheese in the pastry. Apart from anything else, it is chipping off. It's the distressed look- it goes so well with mummy.

Next week is not likely to be easy. I'm busy at work and she has half term. I think she may well be with just babies at her minders. Most of her friends are going away with their parents. Her best friend is in Trinidad for the week.

I'M FEELING WOBBLY

The dentist said her teeth are starting to wobble.

She's only four. She's still my little baby. I'm going to pay the

tooth fairy to stuff 'em back in.

Most middle aged women complain they are invisible. I wish! They should try living with the relentless observations of a 4 year old.

Your bottom is really big, remarks little one. That's the last time I bend over to pick up toys for you, I think. "You should put on suncream to stop the sun giving you lines," I tell her. "You should have been more careful yourself," she says, tenderly tracing a big fat line down my face. "Your boobies shouldn't be down there, should they?" she asks me in the bath. "Breasts," I correct.

Happy birthday to a mother older than many grandmothers. I'm hoping I'll feel a bit younger in time.

A school where they curtsey when they meet you?

Is this a school I want for her? And, how would the boater stay on her hair?

I think I might be a bit lonely,

I said on the phone to a friend. Then I caught X's face, playing nearby with her toys. I put down the phone, "what"s the matter?"

"Why are you lonely when you are with me?" Her lip was trembling.

Oh, dear, oh dear, oh, dear. I feel dreadful. And it's not even true, I don't think. I'm not lonely, at all I don't think. I wish I hadn't said it.