It's as embarrassing as your mum getting a tattoo.

Shock horror: Barbie has got a tattoo. If this is an effort to look like a Bratz doll then Galt (or whichever plastic conglomerate makes either one or both of the dolls) are failing miserably.

Barbie with a tattoo looks like Essex mum who got carried away on a spa day. When I worked on Pantene we had a word for the Pantene target market: perfectionistas. Barbie is the archetypal perfectionista. Bratz are just dirty girls.Wouldn't it be great to make up some really new dolls: Cheryl, the judge, Vicky the aids worker, Mandy, prime minister, Wendy the astronaut, or something really aspirational: Gilly with a job and a happy marriage.

I would hate X to have a tattoo, they are such a cliche. I would especially hate her to be Babie's age and have pink flowers and hearts inscribed. It would be as rediculous as me getting one. Luckily that won't happen for a million reasons including the fact that my skin is too wobbly - the needle would skate all over the shop.

BARBIE GOES GAGA

Taking a rasher out of the Gaga look-book Barbie is going to the social event of the season ( the daughter's half-birthday party) wearing clothes that might, at a stretch, be considered edible.

Rate the look- yummy or crummy? She's modelling the latest in sponge and icing by a designer called Morrisons - six Morrisons sponge cakes and enough icing to induce early onset diabetes, to be precise. It would certainly give Jamie Oliver a heart attack. From the e-numbers in the food colouring to the cream-cheese and butter, gaga may well turn out to be a verb not a name. Do not be fooled by the strawberries and blueberries, they're just there to confuse those parents who are pickily middle-class about food actually having actual nutritional value. The fact they were picked up from the Turkish shop on the High Street means that they're full of petrol fumes not vitamins. I cannot believe I now routinely shop in Morrisons and Iceland, where will this slide into turkey twizzler-dom end? I feel for Barbie. Primark or Top Shop is one thing but Morrisons- something else altogether. I always thought of myself as a Waitrose kind of gal.....

I thought X added a good Gaga touch to the ensemble: if you look closely you'll see Barbie's platform shoes stuck to the dress.