IT'S NOT EASY FOR ANY MAN TO MEASURE UP TO SHREK 

He was dreamed up by those clever Dreamworks people to appeal to all green women everywhere who have their fat days and their difficult parents. X and I reckon he's our type of man.

I’ll give you an example of X's thinking: we were measuring up a wardrobe outside a junk shop. I was wondering how we’d get it home and all the effort involved of getting it up the stairs. X said, quick as a flash: ”Shrek’ll do it.”

She’s got Bridget Jones ‘mention-itis’ about him at the moment. He’s her Colin Firth, no question, she’s his Princess Fiona. I used to be sad that her idea of Princes and Princesses wasn’t the first seeded by the brothers Grimm, but it’s hard to compete with millions of colour-flooded pixels exploding on the screen. And, to be fair, I think Disney informed my archetype imagery more than I like to pretend.

Of course, those clever Dreamworks lot know an anti-hero - that’s really a gorgeous hero- intimately. What woman wouIdn’t want a Shrek in her world? Ok, he may not have great manners, is a bit of an ogre at times and his friends are somewhat overtalkative. But  he adores Princess Fiona, is never happier than when his hands are all over her, even when she’s looking fat and green. He’s even got his own place. Yes, ok, it’s in a swamp, but it’s cosy and he sorts it out when they try to evict him. And he’d definitely be able to help out with a wardrobe.

Maybe if my idea of a Prince Charming had been a little less charm and a little more Shrek-like then I might now be happily married to a nice builder or carpenter or something and all my shelves would be perfect and all my wardrobes carried and X might have had a Daddy Shrek.

Yes, X, Shrek would sort the wardrobe, I like your thinking. On the other hand you can always pay three quid to get it delivered and not bother with any ogres, or Prince Charmings. It's really an awful lot easier in the long run. 

X isn’t the only one to have Prince Charmings have been on her mind. I got a romantic valentine email from William Blake the other day and, try as I do I cannot for the life of me imagine who might be bothering to transform themselves via google into a mad poet just for me. And it’s a bit upsetting that it does seem to bother me. 

But would X or I really want any prince Charming around these days, however Shrek- like and reliable? And would Shrek send a romantic email? I think not.

 PS: So we paid the men extra to deliver the wardrobe and carry it up the stairs.  They charged an extra tenner in the end and one of them asked if I was a teacher because I pointed where I wanted the wardrobe to go. Even though I measured up the wardrobe doesn't fit the space for some weird reason. It looks horrible and was so hard to get up there that I won't be able to ever get rid of it without paying loads more money to some other men. Shrek, where are you?